Since that horrible breakup, I vowed to stop being so naive. I decided to stop believing in love. It would always fuel such interesting arguments, especially among the girlfriends.
But I guess somewhere along the way (somewhere during the time I decided to start dating again), I changed my mind and concluded that it was okay to acknowledge the presence of a significant other. A woman just needed to hold her ground, draw the lines and define herself within the relationship. In other words, we had to wear the pants.
Still, it wasn't til recently when it dawned me. The reason why women had to start taking charge was because of the pure lack of gentlemenliness from the male species. These days, the men who do possess some form of gallantry are mostly the brownnosed sweet talkers who just want to get into your pants. Really. The rest of the male species just don't have a clue.
How do I know this?
Scenario #1
It's raining. The bus stop is filled with people and the bus is late. A pregnant lady totters up to the stand with an umbrella. Most people don't even notice, restless because they're late for some engagement or other. Some look on sympathetically. Finally, a girl stands up and offers her a chair. The seated boys continue complaining that the bus is late, as usual.
Scenario #2
The bus arrives. Everyone rushes to the entrance of the vehicle even before it had stopped moving cos no one wants to end up having to stand. Some people hang back so they don't have to line up in the pouring rain. The last people who end up getting on the bus are the ladies. The boys are comfortable in their seats relieved they didn't have to be the like the woman carrying that heavy-looking bag who came on late and got stuck standing.
Scenario #3
Few passangers get off the bus at the first stop while others wait to get on. A young couple runs across the road not wanting to miss it. Hand in hand, the guy runs ahead without looking back to see if the girlfriend was doing okay running in her baju kurung. Getting to the other side, he would walk on the inside of the road, allowing his girl to get splashed by the passing cars.
Ladies and Gents, all this in the span of 15 minutes.
And they wonder why we insist that we don't really need them anymore.
Agreed, chivalry IS an old-fashioned idea. Being an independant 20-year-old woman, some people accuse me of being a feminist. Yet, even though I project the image of being assertive, I still very much like it when my male friends wait for me in the car until I'm safely inside when they drop me off, just to ensure that I'm safe. And on the other hand, I never let my male friends walk home alone if I have a car and can pick them up. It has nothing to do with sexes, it's all part of being respectful to each other in friendships and relationships.
Still, I enjoy being treated like a lady and women should not try to be like men because the only similarities we share is that we are human beings. More importantly, men have to realize that there's a thin line between chivalry and sexism and men must now proactively gauge the requirements of a women.
Another interesting idea is how the death of male chivalry further boosted women's lib - an ideal many men have opposed over the years. Those days, women had always been portrayed as the lesser species, the weaker species; those days, male valor existed. As it died out, so did male dominance. Little did they realize that those little things were what formed the social context of courtship. It was those little things that defined the fine lines that differentiated gender conduct and the way males and females behaved.
By losing the small things, we go on to lose much bigger things. The protection of women that used to be instinctive.
Chivalry IS dead. Ladies, looks like we'll just have to get used to it.
