I just watched the last episode of the O.C. and I have decided that, that's it. I'm never getting hooked on to any other series EVER AGAIN!
This bites. I live this show, it has to come back. I cried.
I am me.
I love me.
In the story of life, I'm trying write the best book I can. Have pages on understanding and tales of overcoming hardships. Have my story filled with romance, adventure, poetry, and laughter. With each chapter reflecting time well spent. Trying to meet my obligations, but taking time to greet my aspirations.
I figure if I live up to my potential, I'll never have to live down any disappointment.
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"Urban Princess" theme custom made for Khairun by Natasha A. Graphics made in Adobe Photoshop CS. Urban Princess candy bar doll from violablu.net.
I just watched the last episode of the O.C. and I have decided that, that's it. I'm never getting hooked on to any other series EVER AGAIN!
This bites. I live this show, it has to come back. I cried.
An apology for being MIA this past year. It was a busy year, but a good one. Anyhow, am hoping to stick around this time.
I seem to have lost touch with so many. Especially those I don't see anymore. There are problems with the tagboard. Haven't been to load it for a week. I figured it was cos of the net problem. I still can't access certain sites. So I'll give it some time before I get it changed.
Anyhow, I need updates on blog addresses. Some of my old links aren't working anymore (either its the same net problem or they've moved). Anyhow, I would fully appreciate it if you guys could direct me to your new cyber home. Thanks guys! Mwa!
Since that horrible breakup, I vowed to stop being so naive. I decided to stop believing in love. It would always fuel such interesting arguments, especially among the girlfriends.
But I guess somewhere along the way (somewhere during the time I decided to start dating again), I changed my mind and concluded that it was okay to acknowledge the presence of a significant other. A woman just needed to hold her ground, draw the lines and define herself within the relationship. In other words, we had to wear the pants.
Still, it wasn't til recently when it dawned me. The reason why women had to start taking charge was because of the pure lack of gentlemenliness from the male species. These days, the men who do possess some form of gallantry are mostly the brownnosed sweet talkers who just want to get into your pants. Really. The rest of the male species just don't have a clue.
How do I know this?
Scenario #1
It's raining. The bus stop is filled with people and the bus is late. A pregnant lady totters up to the stand with an umbrella. Most people don't even notice, restless because they're late for some engagement or other. Some look on sympathetically. Finally, a girl stands up and offers her a chair. The seated boys continue complaining that the bus is late, as usual.
Scenario #2
The bus arrives. Everyone rushes to the entrance of the vehicle even before it had stopped moving cos no one wants to end up having to stand. Some people hang back so they don't have to line up in the pouring rain. The last people who end up getting on the bus are the ladies. The boys are comfortable in their seats relieved they didn't have to be the like the woman carrying that heavy-looking bag who came on late and got stuck standing.
Scenario #3
Few passangers get off the bus at the first stop while others wait to get on. A young couple runs across the road not wanting to miss it. Hand in hand, the guy runs ahead without looking back to see if the girlfriend was doing okay running in her baju kurung. Getting to the other side, he would walk on the inside of the road, allowing his girl to get splashed by the passing cars.
Ladies and Gents, all this in the span of 15 minutes.
And they wonder why we insist that we don't really need them anymore.
Agreed, chivalry IS an old-fashioned idea. Being an independant 20-year-old woman, some people accuse me of being a feminist. Yet, even though I project the image of being assertive, I still very much like it when my male friends wait for me in the car until I'm safely inside when they drop me off, just to ensure that I'm safe. And on the other hand, I never let my male friends walk home alone if I have a car and can pick them up. It has nothing to do with sexes, it's all part of being respectful to each other in friendships and relationships.
Still, I enjoy being treated like a lady and women should not try to be like men because the only similarities we share is that we are human beings. More importantly, men have to realize that there's a thin line between chivalry and sexism and men must now proactively gauge the requirements of a women.
Another interesting idea is how the death of male chivalry further boosted women's lib - an ideal many men have opposed over the years. Those days, women had always been portrayed as the lesser species, the weaker species; those days, male valor existed. As it died out, so did male dominance. Little did they realize that those little things were what formed the social context of courtship. It was those little things that defined the fine lines that differentiated gender conduct and the way males and females behaved.
By losing the small things, we go on to lose much bigger things. The protection of women that used to be instinctive.
Chivalry IS dead. Ladies, looks like we'll just have to get used to it.
We all have dreams.
I'm 20. Sometimes I forget I am. It's just a number anyway.
I sometimes ponder upon life's purpose. Wonder how far I can reach, how high I can climb, how low I can fall. How do I fix the world? Will I ever be happy?
Ah, if I do find the answer, someday I'll remember to tell the rest of the world.
Pathfinder told of history and bravery and glory. Thrilling and original (!). I liked it.
We made the proposal for the EcoBin today. Spent the morning, the afternoon and part of the evening in 3C going round in circles, ecstatic that we were finally getting somewhere, then got all demoralized after our ideas got shot down and ending up feeling really stupid for not getting it all in the first place. When we figure out what we'll be doing with the charcoal, vinegar and activated carbon, we'll finally get to build our prototype, present our budget, design our booth and sell our idea. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, Khairun (the bimbo) is going to be entering a science fair.
The planning is done, wheels are set in motion, our tournament is underway. Come one, come all, to MaD's first awareness campaign and support our fight against stupidity and for youth empowerment. First out of the many-more-to-come fund-raisings, the tournament will be on the 4th of February 2007, at Sports Planet, Sunway. Call Zharif for more details. Or e-mail him at zharif141@yahoo.com. We're hoping this could be a regular event. I mean health and sports? Very relevant. Very cool.
School hasn't started. I'm not bored yet. But I know I will be. Soon, everyone will be able to read my super long blogs cum novels at my new cyber home. Lots to discuss. Maybe even an avenue for my first column.
We all have dreams.
So let me keep mine.
Hello cyber world,
Its been a while since you've heard from me. I wanted to blog, I did, I swear but I'm getting bored of my current blog home. I need to get the layout changed.
Okay, I suppose that's no excuse. I blogged like 5 times last year. Boo.
Doesn't matter. It isn't like you don't know what's going on in my life. I'm just getting a bit worried that if I don't write it all down for the record, I'll forget it all. Pictures don't do as much justice anymore.
2006 was a good year for me. Couldn't have been better in fact. I'm almost graduating, Aida got engaged, Zharif and I are hitting the 2 year mark, I learned how to put my hair up in a French twist =) There were the achievements : The Bayer Young Environmental Envoy 2006 Awards, Champion and Best Speaker Finals for the Womens Intervarsity Debating Championships, breaking first at ESL Australs among other things. Travel this year wasn't bad either. There was Langkawi for Asians, Wellington, NZ for Australs and India for the Global Youth Meet on Health. Just off the top of my head.
I went for dinner at Monte's just now with the BYEE's. It was nice. Made plans to start on the magic tong sampah project next sunday. Kelly walked me back to the car (kan the BSC carpark freaky sikit after the rape case) and said bye bye before jetsetting off to Passion. As I nonchalantly rooted around in the bag for the carkeys, I started to realize, with a really bad sinking feeling, that I didn't have them with me. Then I really freaked. Had to wake Daddy up to get me and not for the first time wished that Zharif was here instead of 16 hours away. Best part was, after all that drama, when I finally got the car unlocked, I found the key sitting nicely on the passenger seat. How nice.
Life's now in a twist for me. On one side of the spectrum, I couldn't be happier, I'm like back in the game. But on the other end, are all these uncertainties, crossroads, choices, so many of them. Stuff I have to figure out on my own. I hate that. HOW??!!
So, in the spirit of counting my blessings and appreciating life, here's to the loves of my life. Ayah, for being my rock, for never complaining when I wake you up in the middle of the night when I'm stranded or when I bug you about fixing the computer. Mama, for chopping up all the mushrooms and celery and carrots for my spaghetti and letting me be the boss of the kitchen last sunday. Aida and Hamiza for putting up with me (omg superhumans), letting me steal your clothes and covering for me when I go out past curfew. Blood really is thicker than water.
Zharif, for bringing my mum her toolbox and helping her put together that rack she bought at Ikea, for wearing the kurtha I bought you at Raqib's Bollywood Night Birthday Bash, for all the expensive calls from Canada, for promising to take me to the Atrium when you get back, for faith. I love you. Overrated word. But you know what I mean.
This year, I have grown especially close to Sab, Adam and Nad. I will remember 2006 as the year of Genting, late late nights out at places we all call home, the rise and the fall of blossoming lovers, knowing exactly who I'd be with on weekends, having friends stand over me during the trials and tribulations of silly fights and the bump in my relationship, having someone to make me laugh cos Nad's just so entertaining, knowing I'm the one you can run to is nice. Not many people have what we do and I'm glad we do. At least for now =)
To the Sisterhood. How do you explain something beyond words. A kind of strange bond that came out of just pure trust that blossomed into a friendship we each cherish and will uphold cos its just so great knowing that at the end of the day, you're not alone. I love that I am so understood and so connected with you ladies. Its weird because we were never conventional friends before; in fact we were bordering strangers, yet we chose to be the way we are and I'm glad we did. Thank you for the random nights out and the random nights out and the climbing. Thank you for the superb reinforcements that morning I got on a bus to nowhere and just sat for hours doing nothing. I love you girls for it and without a doubt would do the same for you.
This year wouldn't have been the same without Farah N, who'd been so patient with working with me on TUNZA, Farah R who'd take up my random invites out and we'd have the best times, Azreen and Sara and Hafriz for being so nice to me when you guys were on the break, the Bayer kids, Syaza for going to India with me, omg its 5am and i really cant do this right now. Ah, I love everyone really, except those idiots who stabbed me in the back when I was turning the other way. But no loss on my part =)
Let's have a garden party this year. LuV! Mwa!
Raya.
Time for forgiveness. For change. Bundled in all the emotions that come with it.
Puasa this year went by like a blur. For the first time in my life, the building anticipation the fasting month gives prior to the day of celebration, was almost non-existent. Bad. In a way, I guess.
Its mixed feelings. With the shit semester taking up more time, resources and energy I could've ever expected, I welcomed the end of it. Our days at the recording studio; writing and rewriting scripts for our documentary and the video clip; cracking our heads open trying to figure out how to capture a damn flower twisting from its branch, floating along with the wind and flying into an open window seemed surreal. Who knew we could get that much work done in such a short time? Having to make full Flash files out of those limited lessons we had caused so many sleepless nights, endless bouts of stress and vented tensions released on unsuspected group mates and significant others. They weren't fun either. Neither were SOC, Law and ETR which gave more or less equal headaches and heartaches to most of the 5th semester classes.
Yet, there was a certain fulfilment in seeing our videos being screened for the first time, hearing our voices and our scripts being used, our names rolling on the credits. Oh the joy of discovering that the link worked on the .swf files. The elation of handing in the final project, saying thank you and packing up after that last presentation and seeing the numbers add up on the excel sheet. Undescribable.
And so it ends. Two and a half years have we been weathering the same obstacles, each producing a different outcome. Sad, but I don't know many of their names, much less spoken a word to most of them. But ultimately, as different as we all may have had been, they understood the challenge and the stigma that has been set upon us; as of which we were born to break. To revolutionize. And we will. It's just a matter of time before nostalgia sets in.
It's almost been two years now, me and Zharif. But strange as it seems, sometimes I feel that there is so much more that I need to learn about him, from him. But at the same time, the comfort between us is like our hearts have known each other for the longest time. They say that if you get through the mandatory one-year-rough-patch, it's the first step to forever. We went through it a bit late. And it was horrible. I cannot count how many times we both gave up during that one month long heated stint. But the fights don't matter, now we look back on it. What mattered was how we pieced US back together. How he took my hand and said that we could try again. And how we managed to take a step back to look at the bigger picture and where it could take us. That was all it took.
I took him home a month ago. It was a first for me. And yesterday we had dinner out with my family at Sri Ayutthya, just for fun. Still, there's so many contradictory bubbles of thoughts bouncing around in my head. What does it all mean? Things just got a little more complicated.
Mama conned us into repainting the house. She has also given me an assignment : a multimedia video of our family tree (just so that everyone will know that they're related like 3 times over). I wonder what Aida's doing.
It scares me to think that the first crack in the Sisterhood's bond could've very well been my fault. It's even more unbearable to think that I might've made the sweetest thing on earth possibly feel like she wasn't wanted. I didn't mean for it to come out that way. Someone tell me how to fix it =(
Still, the hardest part of this holiday is over. The routine we have every first raya came and went and once again I wonder if I really did mean all the apologies. Because I know I don't agree with her. I know it is wrong for her to drag us into her shit. I know it isn't fair that she asks such things from us and I know that it is her who needs us; not the other way round. The depth of her sincerety shows with every favour demanded for each good turn and with every verbal and non-verbal reminder she gives. I may be half her age, but this is not the kind of ideals she should be exonarating. It isn't.
Sometimes, I wonder how much I can change.
Anyhow, on the gazillionth random note, Happy Raya people.
Malaysia's first Bayer Young Environmental Envoys